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We would always imagine an espresso blend to be strength 5 – yet this Brown Bear coffee is only a strength 3 – and it shows. Making it in the plunger resulted in no creamy head, that’s for sure. Every cup came out the same – it’s impossible to over do it. For us judges though it was lacking any novelty twists to the flavour – it’s just plain straight coffee. In fact – it’s pretty difficult to review – it’s hard to think of a metaphor. You need something to hang your criticism or praise on – and this one just hasn’t got any hooks. But it tastes fine enough and maybe deserves to be run through a high pressure Gaggia to get the most out of it. In the mean time its a 7/10

This is a strength one. Strength one! I really had no idea that these really existed – only in fairy tales. After 150 coffees reviewed, this is our first ever one-er. The Judges are renowned for liking their ball crushing coffee – so we approached this one somewhat nervously. Would we even be able to taste it? Would it just taste like a cup of tea? Well, first off, the folks at Brown Bear have under scored this – this is easily a mid ranger – we’ve had strength 4’s that are weedier than this. In fact, this one is packed with flavour – to the point where we had to re-read the side of the packet just to be sure we were drinking the right thing. Maybe the clue is in the line that says this coffee contains Robusta beans – which are normally known for the higher caffeine content but harsher and generally nastier flavour. So if those beans are in there, then this coffee really is a paradox. We spooned it up the wring the maximum strength out of it – for two cups we used 5 spoons – which would normally be over the top, but it just made this coffee taste better. But it does have a peak – at 6 spoons it was overcome by a metallic aftertaste. Still – this is actually a great coffee and ideal for those that don’t drink too often or those obsessed with strength, as it has a good interesting flavour, is easy to make and will do you proud. Unfortunately it can’t score higher than an 8 – as it still is only a strength 1, and we’d never live it down. 8/10

Another blend from the guys at Brown Bear – this time a strength four. Everything looks “normal” about this one – the raw beans, the ground beans, the brewed beans…. nothing to write home about so far. But, while it’s brewing we read the packet – “rose water finish”. What the f*#k is that? Firstly – who on earth has been drinking rose water to know what it tastes like? If that’s the kind of thing these Brown Bear boys get up to in their lunch break, then we’ve got to ask are they even from this Earth? And not only that – they don’t claim it fully tastes of rose water – only the finish! What the?! There must be something wrong with our taste buds then, as we’re getting no roses here at Judge Towers. If anything, it’s a bit ashy this one. But not in a horrible way – just in a good first-thing-in-the-morning kind of way. Hmm… on re-reading they claim the finish is also liquorice. I think their marketing boys must have been on some heavy hallucinates when they knocked this one out. Still, piss-taking aside, the coffee’s good – works well as a wake me up – nothing fancy and easy as hell to make. Just grind-brew-glug. That’s it. So, one point off for the marketing bullshit, gives it a 7/10

These Brown Bear packs are heavy as hell – it says 225g or whatever on the side but it feels like they’ve chucked just that bit more in there. There’s nothing worse than a bag of coffee that rattles around making you feel like you’ve been stitched up. This is their Italian which, for those who think that the coffee must have been grown in Italy, actually just means burnt. Ok… that’s a bit harsh, but for the un initiated out there, to make an Italian coffee you just shake out the dust from your Vespa tail pipe before sleeping with the next woman you meet – available or not – and then going home and having your mother cook your tea. So it’s not for the faint hearted. Luckily, here at Judge Towers we like giving a Vespa tail pipe a good rimming, and that’s just what this is. The beans are clearly two types – there’s a lighter and darker one in there – and they’re pretty greasy – a sure sign of having been given a damn good roasting as it’s this that drives the oil out of the poor little mites. You need to be careful with this one though – like all dark and powerful coffees – just one grain too many in that plunger and you’ll be jittering all the way to A&E to get some sedatives. It takes some care with the grinding too – we’ve been chipping the sludge off the bottom of the mugs all week. Anyway – we love it. It’s not sophisticated (like the Italians might have you believe) but it’s a good ‘un. An extra point for the very useful packet too – it re-seals. YES – it actually does! 9/10