September 2013

Brown Bear Mambo Italiano Coffee Beans

Brown Bear Mambo Italiano Coffee BeansThese Brown Bear packs are heavy as hell - it says 225g or whatever on the side but it feels like they've chucked just that bit more in there. There's nothing worse than a bag of coffee that rattles around making you feel like you've been stitched up. This is their Italian which, for those who think that the coffee must have been grown in Italy, actually just means burnt. Ok... that's a bit harsh, but for the un initiated out there, to make an Italian coffee you just shake out the dust from your Vespa tail pipe before sleeping with the next woman you meet - available or not - and then going home and having your mother cook your tea. So it's not for the faint hearted. Luckily, here at Judge Towers we like giving a Vespa tail pipe a good rimming, and that's just what this is. The beans are clearly two types - there's a lighter and darker one in there - and they're pretty greasy - a sure sign of having been given a damn good roasting as it's this that drives the oil out of the poor little mites. You need to be careful with this one though - like all dark and powerful coffees - just one grain too many in that plunger and you'll be jittering all the way to A&E to get some sedatives. It takes some care with the grinding too - we've been chipping the sludge off the bottom of the mugs all week. Anyway - we love it. It's not sophisticated (like the Italians might have you believe) but it's a good 'un. An extra point for the very useful packet too - it re-seals. YES - it actually does! 9/10

Average: 7.2 (6 votes)
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Brown Bear Original Blend Coffee Beans

Brown Bear Original Blend Coffee BeansAnother blend from the guys at Brown Bear - this time a strength four. Everything looks "normal" about this one - the raw beans, the ground beans, the brewed beans.... nothing to write home about so far. But, while it's brewing we read the packet - "rose water finish". What the f*#k is that? Firstly - who on earth has been drinking rose water to know what it tastes like? If that's the kind of thing these Brown Bear boys get up to in their lunch break, then we've got to ask are they even from this Earth? And not only that - they don't claim it fully tastes of rose water - only the finish! What the?! There must be something wrong with our taste buds then, as we're getting no roses here at Judge Towers. If anything, it's a bit ashy this one. But not in a horrible way - just in a good first-thing-in-the-morning kind of way. Hmm... on re-reading they claim the finish is also liquorice. I think their marketing boys must have been on some heavy hallucinates when they knocked this one out. Still, piss-taking aside, the coffee's good - works well as a wake me up - nothing fancy and easy as hell to make. Just grind-brew-glug. That's it. So, one point off for the marketing bullshit, gives it a 7/10

Average: 6.3 (7 votes)
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Café du Ch'ti

Café du Ch'ti coffeeThis coffee came from a Calais supermarket, and with a name like this it just stood out from the crowd. It's rare to find a French coffee in a poncy paper bag like this rather than in the standard glossy euro-brick. The beans are a very light brown and very dry looking. So dry in fact it looks as though they may have been languishing on the shelf for the last five years. But this is an ok cup of coffee - not as flouncy as the packaging might suggest - but definitely not of the hard core burnt ashtray taste we've come to know and love from the Frenchies. It's a doddle to knock up - under or overdose - it all comes out the same. Again - unusual for a French one where normally one extra grain makes a life or death difference. Its an average nice one at 7/10

Average: 8 (2 votes)
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Coffee Real Brazil

I've never been a fan of liquid prunes early in the morning, but that's what this coffee promises. Not only that, but served over a bed of nuts. Despite all this bad-boy fruit name dropping - this is actually a nice coffee to slurp down. I made one for an unsuspecting guest yesterday afternoon and spooned it up big time. He was last seen driving at 120mph down the hard shoulder of the M3 before. So, it can deliver on punch. The only thing we'd say is it can be a bit dry tasting. Not a real thirst quencher. No real extraordinary flavours showed through to us - which seems pretty typical of a Brazilian. (7/10)

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Average: 7 (1 vote)