Page 14

Whittard Monsoon Malabar Coffee

We’ve had a Monsoon Malabar before from Waitrose, and we didn’t like it, so we’re not expecting much here. The package seems to suggest that a toffish bird can take it, where as a chavvy parrot will be left reeling from this bad boy. The initial smell off of the cup is what we expected – filthy, dirty and harsh. So you kind of hold your nose before diving in – but initial gulps would have you believe that this one ‘aint bad! Strong – yes – but not quite such a filth-monger as the name would suggest. As you go down the cup though, the after taste on the tongue builds up and the grinds from the bottom well up and start to choke you. It’s just about OK, but only for serious coffee fans. The average parrot best stick to his millet. 6/10

India, Strength 5, Whittard

Whittard Monsoon Malabar Coffee Read Post »

Whittard Santos and Java Coffee

This is a real punchy little Whittard. It’s a strength 5, and it tastes it – don’t give this one to your mum thinking you can dumb it down and it’ll all be ok, because it won’t. The smell off the freshly brewed cup is powerful and enticing – there’s no way you can forget this one and leave it to go cold by mistake. In fact, I never even put the cup down. 8/10

Brazil, Java, Strength 5, Whittard

Whittard Santos and Java Coffee Read Post »

Kirkland French Roast Sumatra Coffee Beans

This is a real cheapy – it comes from Costco and is a massive 1.3kg bag – and that’s the smallest one they do. We had already made up our minds that this one was going to be slightly rough – it’s a cheap catering coffee. The beans looked weird, and smelt weird. When it’s brewed, the initial smell is of a cheap, dirty coffee. But then up close, the smell is pungent and earthy – it smells like the piss soaked ground by the men’s urinal at Glastonbury on day three. If you hold your nose and just swallow, it’s actually drinkable (the coffee – not the Glasto piss) – definately the best ever “cheap” coffee we’ve had. I even finished the whole cup. But it’s not something you’d rush to repeat – and that leaves you with 1.299 kg still to get rid of. I’d serve it in a restaurant – but it’s no good for home use. 5/10

Kirkland, Sumatra

Kirkland French Roast Sumatra Coffee Beans Read Post »

Paddy and Scott’s Great With Friends Coffee

We have to admire these two guys – they’re doing the kind of job the Judges want to be doing. But rather than just sit around moaning that so-and-so coffee is a duffer, they’ve got up off their arses and gone and made their own – so good luck to them! Now, let’s hope they know what they’re doing. The packaging on this this is not great – two blokes having a love-in over a small cup, with way too much text – loses it one point from this Judge. So much so, we can’t even be bothered to read it. It’s actually hard to tell what you’re going to be getting – it’s just called “Great With Friends” – no clue as to strength without getting your reading glasses out. It’s a damn fine brew though. We’ve had three now, and they’ve all been consistently good. Powerful flavours, no aftertaste. Just a nice lingering coffee coating in your mouth to remind you of what you’ve just enjoyed. You don’t see this coffee around much – but if you do, you can’t go wrong. (8/10)

Paddy and Scotts

Paddy and Scott’s Great With Friends Coffee Read Post »

Whittard Christmas Coffee

The word “Christmas” on a coffee – or indeed anything – should always make you nervous and this is proof of that. As soon as you open the packet you just want to gag – it’s sickly sweet and generally repulsive. Just the waft from the packet is making me sneeze. The brewed cup is even worse – it’s only drinkable for a few sips – and even then only because you feel you have to, out of disbelief that anything could be this bad. It’s full of cooking chocolate, milk powder, ground nuts or wet cardboard or something equally as nauseating. Imagine if you aged some Baileys in a cardboard barrel for 10 years, and then heated it up. It deserves a 1/10 – but I’m giving it a 2/10. Why? Because they intended it to be this way and I admire their balls.

Whittard

Whittard Christmas Coffee Read Post »

Whittard Guatemalan Elephant Coffee

The first thing you notice with this one is the aroma – it’s leaping out of the cup to put it’s hands around your throat. In the cup it looks velvety and chocolatey – there’s no way you can leave this one to get cold. This is a strength 4 buts it’s packing a mellow strength 5 – you know it’s doing you the right kind of damage but you’re blissfully unaware of it as it just slips down. The only minor grumble is the super-fine grind resulting in a final mouthful of mud at the bottom of the cup which leaves you with a slightly tainted parting memory of this one. 8/10

Guatemala, Strength 4, Whittard

Whittard Guatemalan Elephant Coffee Read Post »

Whittard Costa Rican Coffee

This is a first – the first ever coffee marked up as a strength TWO. And, yes, it’s probably the weakest thing that’s been near my mouth since the tooth fairy went down with man flu but still managed to struggle out of bed. They claim “aromatic, lingering sweetness” on the packet – well you’d never know. The lingering sweetness turns out to be a sickly sweetness – as all I can really taste in this one is the milk. If you like super-weedy coffee – which some people do – then this is ideal. I don’t think you could ever make this too strong. (3/10)

Costa Rica, Strength 2, Whittard

Whittard Costa Rican Coffee Read Post »

Whittard Sumatra Coffee

This is the first coffee of the new year and we’ve got a real backlog to get through now. This comes as part of a Whittard selection box of nine different coffees. So to pick the first one out it has to be from the top shelf – strength 5. There’s only 3 cups in one of the small packs so it’s a one-hit review. This is a right little corker for the first day of January – heavyweight and pungent. It does suffer from a slight metallic aftertaste which knocks it down a point – but otherwise a fine healthy punch in the face for the start of the year. 7/10

Strength 5, Sumatra, Whittard

Whittard Sumatra Coffee Read Post »

Cubita Coffee Beans

This is the biggest coffee in Cuba – it’s everywhere. The Nooge was out there a few weeks back and brought back a sample – a big sample. It’s a 1 kilo bag for f*&ck’s sake – so it better be good. It cost about 15USD so it’s on a par with UK coffees. It made a superb espresso in Cuba – which I even managed to drink black it was that smooth. Back on UK shores and fed through a plunger it doesn’t quite bring back the holiday memories – but it is a pretty meaty coffee. Powerful on the tongue yet no nasty aftertaste. Not quite up there with the real big boys but we wont be leaving this in the kitchen that’s for sure, it’s all gonna go! A respectable 8/10. I’d like to try it in a machine though, as in Cuba this was a definite 10

Cuba, Cubita

Cubita Coffee Beans Read Post »

Sea Island Geisha Costa Rica Coffee Beans

Both times we’ve made this, it’s foamed up in the pot to the point where you could shave with it. But over the 3.5 minutes stewing the foam totally disappears and when it’s poured it’s completely flat and, let’s face it, unappetising. But don’t let it’s bland appearance fool you this is a really well flavoured cup – from the first initial sip through to the lingering aftertaste. Even when it’s gone, you still feel like you’re drinking it. And enjoying it. When I started this one I tried not to think of the cost and vowed not to mention it. I’ve failed again – it’s 13 quid a pack. Would have been an 8, but drops one for cost to a 7/10.

Costa Rica, Sea Island

Sea Island Geisha Costa Rica Coffee Beans Read Post »