May 2012

Douwe Egberts Morning Americano

Douwe Egberts AmericanoFirst things first - we don't like to be told when to have our coffee. So we made this "morning" coffee in the middle of the afternoon, just because we can. The top of this one is really filthy dirty - loads of swirls of powder and oil - which us Judges actually don't mind - although your average punter might. The first thing you notice is the smell of a harsh coffee - this is a strength 5 after all - but your immediate thought is cheap Robusta beans. Now it doesn't say so on the packet, but it also doesn't say 100% Arabica, which we've now taken to mean it's full of the cheap stuff. Even checking out the Douwe Egberts website doesn't give you any more clues. Everything about the Douwe Egberts packaging is dumbed-down for the average Joe - they don't want to tell you much about it, 'cos they don't thing you'll understand!  Despite all this, it's OK and a good hit - just a little harsh. 6/10

18 votes
Your rating: None

Whittard Kenya Coffee

Whittard Kenya CoffeeThe initial smell of this coffee bodes well - the lemony twang you expect from a Kenyan - and I don't mean a marathon runner. But this is a strength TWO - which as we all know, means weak as hell. There is no such thing as a strength one - the scale starts at two - so this is as weak as it gets. And it's true - this one has all the right hints of quality that you'd look for - but just not enough of them. It's like having a quickie behind the bike sheds - alright but just not satisfying, leaving you wanting more. Your mum would like this one for sure - and I don't mean the quickie. Or maybe she would - who knows - I've not seen her in a while. We're on a trial separation.  6/10

7 votes
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Tesco Finest Papua New Guinea Coffee

Tesco Finest Papua New Guinea CoffeeWe don't often get coffees that come from this far flung part of the world (Tesco - Sidcup). They claim fruity on this one - but no, it's not. But that doesn't make it a bad one - this is just a damn fine cup of coffee with no whistles and bells. No lemon, no choc, no fruit...  just coffee. Maybe we're getting a bit too poncy in our coffee tastes these days - and we kind of expect some kind of swanky sophistication, rather than brute force coffee. This one is definitely a MAN's coffee. There's no drinking this one from a tiny doll's house tea cup. It's for serving from a big mug - made of thick china that can cope with the heavy liquid within. Are you getting the picture? Just a couple of points off this one for the slight metallic aftertaste. 8/10

11 votes
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Starbucks Medium Colombia Coffee

Starbucks Medium Colombia CoffeeI could barely get this one down due to eating my own f*cking words at the same time! Starbucks = corporate shit. Colombia = coffee shit. Those were my words up until now. The Starbucks bit you can understand - glossy chain coffee shops selling just a "house blend", staffed by minimum wagers. They may sell a lot of real coffee in packs - but it's all over priced - this one is 4 quid a bag. Mind you - recent coffee price hikes means £3.50 is the entry level these days, so maybe I'm being harsh on them there. As for the Colombian thing - we all think their coffee will be so cool - those Colombians are famed for their stimulant production after all - but the coffees we've had have all been well under par. BUT... this one is a total blinder! Sorry Starbucks, sorry Colombia... this one is like ramming your face in a big hairy nut sack until you can no longer breath. Impossible to cock up in the making - every cup has been luscious. For taste this one is a 10/10 - but I've got to dock a point for the super-oily grind - the surface has floating tiny oil specks on it every time, leaving nasty ring marks down your cup as you pause to slurp. If you can get over that (or just glug it down in one) then it's second to none. Nice one Starbucks... at last. 9/10

58 votes
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