Morrisons Signature Ethiopian Coffee

Morrisons Signature Ethiopian CoffeeThis stuff looks simply amazing. We're only using a simple French press to make it yet it comes out, every time, with a thick creamy head as though it had been run through a five grand Gaggia in a carbon-neutral hipster coffee bar in Shoreditch. We've not had that much head since the Judges took a weeks sabbatical to the Reeperbahn. It's so easy to make this one - it comes out the same every time. It's got a slightly fruity twist to it which, when you have the first one, is a real pleasant surprise. But after a few cups this does end up tasting a little bit metallic. Maybe we just over spooned this one - it would probably benefit for being made just a little weaker. But we didn't do that. Its an 8/10

13 votes
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Malongo L'Express Coffee

Malongo L'Express CoffeeThis is a weird looking one that comes from France. It has a bit of English on the side that says "Creamy Coffee Personified" which is quite literarily wrong, as creamy coffee it may be, it still is just a tin of coffee and not a person. Which is what I was lead to believe personified means. Once you get past the grammatical errors and into the tin, the first thing you'll notice is how finely ground this is - it's got the consistency of flour. Which means when you spoon it out it's very easy to overdo it - it will pile up on the spoon in a giant pyramid that is quite literally the Great Pyramid of Cheops personified. So you do need to keep tapping the spoon to bring it down to a more normal measure. The resulting brew is worth the fiddling though - it's a frothy, heavy number that is super chocolaty and satisfying. Like a Milo laced with amphetamines. Unusually for the French it comes in a handy tin rather than a nightmarish vacuumed packed brick which makes it very user friendly. We loved it. 9/10

44 votes
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Lavazza Caffe Crema

Lavazza Caffe CremaAnother Lavazza not often seen in the UK - this one was picked up in Austria. It's a tiny bit harsh - which we presume is due to the usual Lavazza Robusta bean contents - it doesn't mention anything about arabica on the packet of this one. That said - it still goes down pretty nicely. Lavazza say its a medium coffee for all day long drinking from a big cup - we don't really agree with that, unless it's just the way we make it here. For us it was a pretty potent brew that would probably kill your granny. It's not really sophisticated though - it's just coffee slapping you in the throat. So we like it. 8/10

10 votes
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Lavazza Club Coffee

Lavazza Club Coffee

This is the best Lavazza we've had - and it doesn't seem to be available in the UK. We picked it up in France at the Carrefour while stocking up on cheap Chateaux du Closet. It’s got the Illy style tin which makes a change from the usual Euro brick packaging that normally just ends up all over the floor – although it doesn’t have the nitrogen whoosh as you open it. This is ground super fine - and we mean super fine. If you felt the need you could chop this stuff up on the back of the staff toilet cistern and just snort it down. The fine-ness means you need a bit of care when making it – the spoons will pile the coffee high on them and you’ll end up with a brew that’ll rip you’re tongue out. But treated carefully, this is a great brew. It smells divine – everyone wanted one – and they got one – and loved it. It's a 9/10.

26 votes
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Carrefour Ethiopia Coffee

Carrefour Ethiopia CoffeeUnusually for the Frenchies this has got a country of origin stamped on it. It came from good old Carrefour so its easy to come by. We expected a lemon twang from this - that's what you normally get from these East African coffees. Not the case here though - if any word could be used to describe this it's chocolate. Not the slightest hint of a lemon in this. We made it in our usual caffetiere and it foamed up beautifully - it looked more like a pint of real ale than a coffee - it just looked great. Every cup came out perfectly - it was just plain impossible to cock this one up. All in all - a good one. Neuf Points.

35 votes
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Selenes Oras Coffee

Selenes Oras CoffeeThis stuff comes from TK Maxx and its only a couple of quid a pack. There is no polite way to describe this - it's totally foul. I'm not even sure how it can be called coffee - it tastes of an overflowing, burnt out plastic ashtray. In a way, it's almost worth getting some so you can experience what truly bad coffee tastes like, as anything else you have after this will seem like caviar topped with a white truffle served off a virgins thing. So yes - buy it - to really be able to appreciate the full coffee spectrum. Actually - it's as bad as the Sainsbury's basics - but loses out because at least that was only £1.50. 1/10

5 votes
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Lavazza Qualita Rossa

Lavazza Qualita RossaSomehow we'd forgotten to review this - the common or garden Lavazza Rossa - until now. We actually thought we had done it - only when someone emailed us did we realise we'd forgotten it. So here it is. It used to be my standard coffee years back - before I had a prosthetic tongue fitted and started getting into all these fancy coffee flavours. Thinking back it seemed so.... agricultural. But on reflection - it's as good as it always was. Nothing too fancy when made in a caffetiere, but a real glugger none the less. I wish I could run it through a proper espresso machine... I'm sure it would cream it's own pants off, let alone mime. There's only one downside - it's a real fine grind (not unlike the Judge himself) - which means if you over spoon it by half a spoon it'll blow your cotton socks off. 8/10

118 votes
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Cafe Liegeois Subtil Coffee

Cafe Liegeois Subtil CoffeeThis one was picked up on a recent visit to the far flung corner of Belgium to visit the Miss's family. This one actually had the name of the area on it (Liege) so it was a no brainer to scoop up.. along with several crates of bowl-bashing beer from the oh-so puritanical monks out there who seem to be unable to brew anything weaker than a can of Special Brew. There's no such thing as a "Belgian Roast" for coffee, so this is kind of just the Belgian take on fancy flavoured coffee that we are kind of used to seeing all over the shelves here in the UK. It doesn't say much on the packet - other than mention the word Ethiopia. Its fruity this one - and by that we don't mean the usual lemon twang - this one is more like a mild blast of oranges. Bizarre, yes. And it makes a real nice change from the very similar tasting stuff we've had of recent weeks (all scoring 8/10 mind you). I could pick this one out again from a cast of thousands at a blind tasting - it's that distinctive. We'd highly recommend it - but to get some your going to have to join the next Panzer division on it's way to the Ardenne, as it looks like it doesn't exist anywhere else. 8/10

2 votes
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Alvorada Cafe do Monaco

Alvorada Cafe do MonacoThis came from a ski trip to Soll in Austria. The first thing we thought when we ground this one up and tasted it, was "dusty". Don't ask me how we came up with that - but that was the general consensus. It's still a good brew though - but not one for the feint hearted. The beans were tough - we had to grind the arses off them to get any kind of potency out of this. But when we did, it delivered in spades. It not only put hairs on our chests, but also on the palms of our hands. You get the idea? 8/10

7 votes
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Aldi Alcafe Rich Roast Ground Coffee

Aldi Alcafe Rich Roast Ground CoffeeYou just cannot knock this stuff. It comes from Aldi - which as we are all now starting to realise, does not mean dodgy budget products but infact means good stuff from Europe that's cheap as chips. This is another one from that stable - we paid £2 or £2.50 for this bigger than normal (250g) bag. OK the packet looks like some French hypermarket cheapy that will taste like ground ash, but trust us, it doesn't. It's a perfectly good brew that comes up as strong as you like it and we would happily drink it all day long and wouldn't be that upset if it was the only coffee known to man. If you're at work with a shared coffee kitty, make this be your donation and no one will ever know you're a tight arse cheapskate. Just hide the bag. 8/10

91 votes
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