Nestle Bonka Coffee

Nestlé Bonka CoffeeWe picked up this one in Barcelona - it's a big corporate brand who've chosen a comedy name. Well done Nestle - don't pretend you didn't know what you were doing. I thought maybe that "Bonka" actually meant something in Spanish or Catalan. Well I suppose it does. It means "Bonka". Once we're over the Sid James guffawing, we open the solid block packet and, as with every European coffee, as soon as it's open you get the hard smash in the face that only normally comes from being hit in the face by an ashtray loaded with butts left over from an all night session in the worlds biggest cigar room having just held a Winston Churchill appreciation evening. Where ever that is. Man, it's harsh. We treated it with kid gloves and kept the dose at the absolute minimum - four barely level spooons for two cups. There's no need to even stew this for the usual 3.30 minutes - as soon as you stir it - it's ready. A black vat of used sump oil. Still - we're no wallflowers here in courtroom 600 and will bring anyone to book. The smell in the cup is pure carbon. The taste is akin to shotgunning a mug of it through the funnel of the Flying Scotsman just as it pulls into Edinburgh. But you do get used to it.. but only if you like it strong. If you're a Gold Blend lover, this will probably put you in an early grave. So we will finish the packet of this stuff - on principle. But it's not for the faint hearted. (5/10)

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