Deathwish Coffee

Deathwish CoffeeAs gimmicks go, this is the pinnacle. A coffee with beans twice as strong as any other. The world's strongest coffee. This is the kind of challenge that gets the Judge's gavels quivering. Having read the article in The Metro, people were asking us if we'd tried it. We hadn't, so got some sent over faster than Pete Doherty on his way to the all night garage to pick up a packet of Kingsize. It arrived in a Jiffy Bag and started to emit its potent hard core coffee smell all over the house. Now, bearing in mind this is whole bean coffee, that's potent, and the Judge is starting to think that we're going to need a Geiger counter and some lead mugs. Despite the slightly cheesy skull motif, the packaging of the coffee is actually uber luxury. A big, heavy bag with a nice little metal reseal clip that will do for a nipple clamp after you've finished your Shades of Grey. When you get a look at the beans you are going to be struck by how massive they are - they're f*cking enourmous and highly polished - just look at them!. Akin to the gonads you're going to need if you want to take this bad boy on. Rather than pussy-out, we made it up at our usual testing strength - six spoons for three cups. At this point, the smell took a turn for the worse - sinking into cigar filled ash tray territory. But hang on - keep the faith. Some coffees that smell like that, taste like that. But the Deathwish Coffee held its own and taste wise was actually pretty damn mellow. It certainly didn't punch us in the face or throat.The super shiney Deathwish Coffee beans It just went down, quicker than Monica Lewinsky the day after Lent. That's not saying we didn't realise that this thing is strong - strong enough to take on Geoff Capes before he took to budgerigar fancying - but it hides it well. It's right up there with the Hot Lava Java and Lavazza Espresso. It's easy to make too - we've done a few and varied it a bit, and they're still making us smile. So if you like your strong coffee, you've got to do it and be the talk of your office with its crazy packaging and outrageously strong smell. It's fun. It's nice. Only one point off the hallowed ten - and only because ordering my coffee from the USA just 'aint convenient. It's a 9/10.

What the Manufacturer's say: 

"Disclaimer: This is not your regular morning coffee. This is not your store bought coffee. You will not find this coffee at your local diner or at your sissy 'Starbucks. Death Wish Coffee is the most highly caffeinated premium dark roast organic coffee in the world. This is Extreme Coffee, not for the weak. Consider yourself Warned. Death Wish Coffee is a breakthrough in the coffee world. Typically dark roast coffee has less caffeine in comparison to lighter roast coffees due to the caffeine being stricken from the bean during the roasting process. Here at Death Wish Coffee we have found a coffee bean with close to 200% more caffeine than your typical coffee shop coffee; we roast it to a medium-dark for a strong and robust flavor and then we grind it to the proper level for extreme potency. We roast to order and inspect before and after the roasting process to ensure correct moisture levels, bean density, and uniformity. We are dedicated to quality and guarantee that you will not find a stronger, more flavorful, organic coffee on the market anywhere or we will buy the coffee back from you. This is the best coffee for the strong."

Average: 9.2 (5 votes)
Your rating: None


Anything that comes with a disclaimer immediately screams 'try me', if only to find out what the fuss is about so after failing to get it to light in my crack pipe I eventually relented and stuck it into some boiling water. Deathwish coffee does have a pretty decent kick, but as others have said I don't think it goes much further than the LavaJava... Having said that this brew does manage to be incredibly strong without over powering the taste which overall is pretty pleasing. I won't be trading my Friday night gram for this little beauty, but at the same time I wouldn't go as far as having two in a row. A Solid 8/10, this might get upgraded to a 9 after another try, although that's going to have to wait until I come back down from the ceiling.
Judge Hank's picture

A deathwish is the very reason we jump from high bridges on a rope or out of a plane with nothing but a big blanket and some string to save you. If however you want to walk on wild side but not actually jump out of a plane you can try some of the strongest coffee in the world and see if your heart can take it. Mine obviously can cause i'm a hardcore caffeine freak and this is the heroin of coffees for me. Of course not having tried it before I was thinking, nay expecting a filthy ganky taste that I couldn't stand. You will however find me pleasantly surprised stuck to the ceiling. It's now doing the rounds at work and being met with yays all around. Of course no man would admit to not liking it, it screams butch and who doesn't want to seem butch. Thankfully you can say you like it and mean it! I'm thinking to give it a ten cause it's cool, it's quirky, it's the strongest damned coffee in the world and these guys shipped it from the US so we could try it. God dam it i'm giving it a 10/10 cause i'm buzzing my tits off and my colleagues at work can't stop talking about it. 10/10