Marks and Spencer Luxury Italian Coffee

Marks and Spencer Luxury Italian CoffeeThis is not just Luxury Italian Coffee. It's fucking awful Luxury Italian Coffee. This one claims all sorts on the packet - but forgets to mention lack of flavour and all round general weedy-ness. This is only marginally better than instant - if someone offered it to you at their house you would be grateful that it least is was real coffee, but it wouldn't be worth the effort of making it yourself, you may as well spoon up a Nescafe and save yourself the bother - and disappointment. The final inch in the cup really sealed it - a bitter nasty mess. This Judge's summing up: starts disappointing, ends badly. Gets a 4/10.

8.25
Average: 8.3 (4 votes)
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Grumpy Mule Rwanda Musasa Coffee

Grumpy Mule Rwanda Musasa CoffeeWe've been going through a renaissance with the Grumpy Mules, which was mainly brought on by price - they were all so sodding expensive. Turns out though, it's just our local Deli that's ripping us off - there is no £8 packet of Mule out there in the real world - it's just a special price for us Mugs who he saw coming through his enormous Mug spotting windows. So, now were over that, we can just start enjoying it. This one is a case in point - it's fruity and punching above it's strength 3 rating. Every cup has come out good - it's a great beginners coffee - you just can't fuck this one up, even if you cant count up to the required 6 spoons you'll still be ok and your friends will love you. Slurp it down... and give us more Mules! Scores an 8/10 - only lost it bit from this Judge for the lack of ball crushing strength.

8.2
Average: 8.2 (5 votes)
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Grumpy Mule Tanzania Footprint Peaberry Coffee

Grumpy Mule Tanzania Footprint CoffeeThis advertises two words we like to see: Peaberry and Tanzania. So we're getting quite excited by this one. As you bring this brewed cup up to your face you do get the slightly citrus waft, and on the first sip - you get it too. But from then on in this coffee is just too mild for me. It's lacking any real depth of taste - it's way too subtle. After the gulp, there's no powerful rasp down the back of your tongue - when it's gone, it's gone, and that's it. This is rated at strength 4 - so I did try and spoon it up a notch to try and ring a bit more out of it: don't try it. If you make this one too strong then it's going to ruin all of the subtleties and you make as well be drinking a cheapo Lavazza. This is a strength 3 and has been over-rated, that's all. For my taste then, just a 6/10.

7
Average: 7 (3 votes)
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Whittard Ethiopian Yirgacheffe Coffee

Whittard Ethiopian Yirgacheffe CoffeeThe first sip of this bodes well - it's tangy and citrus like, as we top Judges have come to expect for anything from a high altitude in that part of the world. But as you continue to sip, you really want this taste to build and build - but it doesn't. It just stays at the same level and as you get more used to it, you notice it even less, to the point where you feel like you're drinking hot water. I can only put this down to the strength 3 rating - this was never going to floor me like a couple of pool balls in a pair of tights. So, OK if you like week coffee. Otherwise, be a man and go out and get yourself something stronger - some Tanzanian Peaberry maybe. 6/10

8
Average: 8 (16 votes)
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Dallmayr Prodomo Coffee

Dallmayr Prodomo CoffeeThis one's from Austria. We've had a few from there and, as cheapies, they've generally been better than French ones. This is a case in point - it IS drinkable - but there's just something slightly weird about it. It's very susceptible to getting the measures wrong - too much and it's liquid aluminum, too little and it's shallow and breathless. Just one glug of this and you know you are drinking "own brand", European coffee. For that shared chalet ski trip I think I'd buy this - it's passable - particularly because of the house-brick style doublele dose package - it's massive. But not for myself, no way. On the cusp then, 5/5.

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9
Average: 9 (3 votes)
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Cafe Serrano Coffee

Cafe Serrano CoffeeImported from a recent Cuban jaunt by Judge Nooge himself, this is a real big boy. A massive half kilo bag and it's a pretty luxurious package too. It's finely ground which makes for a very heady mix. There's no mincing around with "citrus" or "chocolatey" with this one. It's just good, old fashioned, strong coffee - so much so that we had to back off half a spoon, otherwise we were in danger of another Cuban Missile Crisis. Seems like Castro had the right idea - get you coffee, cigars and rum sorted and everything else will follow. 8/10

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9.11538
Average: 9.1 (26 votes)
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House of Coffees Confessions Daily Obsession Coffee

House of Coffees Confessions Daily Obsession CoffeeThis came from someone's hols to South Africa and first thing - it looks a bit cheap and nasty. Like one of those own brands from a a French Hypermarket. It looks inviting in the cup, and the smell is definitely enticing. Even the first gulp gives you a warm, comforting feeling. It tastes cosy. But as you work your way down you discover some kind of weird bitter chocolatey taste that builds and builds with every sip. Between sips, the bitterness lingers on the back of your tongue in a not altogether pleasant way. We've had three cups of this before we could finally make up our minds: it's not great, but as a one off, it's passable. 6/10

6.4
Average: 6.4 (5 votes)
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Whittard Pico Duarte Coffee

Whittard Pico DuarteThis was the first one I'd made in a while and je-sus this came out blacker than the Black Hole Of Calcutta. So what's with the delicate looking butterflies on the front of this I wonder? Now, I'm sure I didn't cock-up the brewing process, and this is officially rated a strength 3, so how it ended up a throat puncher I'll never know. But I think I have to face facts: that I over did it and that the strength here, while welcome, is slightly false and it's a really bitter cup that needs an extra tweak of sugar to get it down. I've enjoyed it though - a perfect afternoon pick-me-up. An easy 7/10 for this one. Shame we can only have one cup from the tiny packet.

5.85714
Average: 5.9 (14 votes)
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Whittard Colombian Coffee

Whittard Colombian CoffeeThe notion of this one is a cheeky little monkey messing around with a magic tea pot hanging about on a branch. Despite all that nonsense, this is a nice little brew. It's a strength 3 but has a really good and powerful taste. It's just lacking some depth - it's shallower than Jodie Marsh on Mastermind. As soon as you've swallowed - it's gone. Yes, that's another reference to Jodie Marsh. It's a great afternoon coffee - or one to keep dosing up on all day long. You'll never feel like you've had too many, but you'll enjoy each one. I may even buy a bigger pack....  8/10

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8
Average: 8 (2 votes)

Sea Island Maui Island Estate Coffee Beans

Sea Island Maui Island Estate Coffee BeansAnother Sea Island "cheapy" at the equivalent of 14 quid a pack. The first thing on show here is the beans are the tiniest things you've ever seen - they are miniscule. So small you might be forgiven for thinking this one is pre-ground. But no - grind it you must. The finished cup doesn't look anything out of the ordinary - plain as hell. But the taste - whooa - it's good. The lemon and citrus twang cuts right across your tongue like an amuse-bouche and as you sink the last drops all you want to do is have another one. It's moorish as hell. Which is a shame because it's my last ever cup - at 14 quid a go it's just too rich for this Judge. So a 9/10 docked 2 points for cost. 7/10.

6.33333
Average: 6.3 (3 votes)
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